Fun with Time Warner Cable live chat help

Tonight I was planning to flip between Islanders-Penguins on MSG Plus, Devils-Avalanche on MSG Plus 2 and ALCS Game 1 on TBS, but naturally Time Warner Cable would have none of that. Similar to last week when the Capitals were playing the Devils (a game I actually cared about seeing), MSG Plus 2 was mysteriously not showing the Devils game. Instead the whole of Manhattan got some sweet looking color bars.

Having nothing better to do with my Friday night, I decided to hop on TWC's live chat help and see if they could rectify the situation. Needless to say, I did not have high hopes. After waiting in a queue for the entire first period, this is what transpired. Names have been changed (barely) to protect the innocent (also barely).

User Craig has entered room
We are experiencing higher than usual service times. Please wait and an analyst will be with you shortly.
We are experiencing higher than usual service times. Please wait and an analyst will be with you shortly.
Analyst Andrea has entered room

Andrea(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:46:06 GMT-0400 (EST))>
Thank you for contacting Time Warner Cable. At the end of our chat you will be given the option of taking a brief survey. My name is Andrea * [last initial withheld]. Please give me a moment while I access your account.


Andrea(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:46:37 GMT-0400 (EST))>
Hello Mr. Stone.
I understand that you have a feedback.
I will be happy to help you in the best way possible.

Craig(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:47:32 GMT-0400 (EST))>
Hi. I was hoping to watch the New Jersey Devils game but MSG Plus 2 is not turned on.
This happened last week too. It's ridiculous.

Andrea(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:49:01 GMT-0400 (EST))>
Thank you for the information, please allow me a moment.

Andrea(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:50:50 GMT-0400 (EST))>
Mr. Stone, please click on this link to check all the TV listing: http://tvlistings.timewarnercable.com/tvListings/

Craig(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:51:28 GMT-0400 (EST))>
That doesn't tell me anything about anything.
it just says "Local Sports" on channel 198

Andrea(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:51:43 GMT-0400 (EST))>
Did you check channel 435?
It is against Colorado Avalanche?

Craig(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:52:29 GMT-0400 (EST))>
yes but that's the NHL Center Ice package which is blacked out because the Devils are a local team

Andrea(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:54:42 GMT-0400 (EST))>
Could you please provide me your account number to check if everything is normal with the NHL Center Ice package?

Craig(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:55:30 GMT-0400 (EST))>
The problem isn't with the center ice package. They always blackout Devils, Rangers and Islanders games because those teams are shown on local stations
well, they're supposed to be, assuming TWC turns on the station ... which never happens on time

Andrea(Fri Oct 15 2010 19:58:32 GMT-0400 (EST))>
I do apologize for the inconvenience.
I have checked our reports and I noticed that channel 198 is experiencing an outage.
Please accept my sincerest apologies for this inconvenience.

Craig(Fri Oct 15 2010 20:00:21 GMT-0400 (EST))>
OK thanks.

Andrea(Fri Oct 15 2010 20:00:28 GMT-0400 (EST))>
You are welcome!
Is there anything else I can help you with?

Craig(Fri Oct 15 2010 20:00:54 GMT-0400 (EST))>
no that's it.

I really hate being a dick to customer service people, but honestly I think I showed admirable restraint here. I do think Andrea was just doing her job and probably isn't connected to this problem in any way, but it's bullshit that Time Warner Cable is so inept that it can't even manage to make sure a channel is turned on in time for a game.

Luckily I only missed the first 5 minutes of the Caps game last week. As of 8:15 tonight MSG Plus 2 is still color bars...

Miguel Tejada facts

So for some reason, I thought it would be funny to do a "Miguel Tejada" facts that is like the incomparable Matt Wieters Facts, but instead of great feats of baseball prowess and inhuman strength, they would be amazing ways to screw over a team.

A quick disclaimer: I don't have anything against Miggi and I certainly don't blame him for the 2-11 start to the season, I just think this is an opportunity to be somewhat funny. (Or at least I try.)

So here are some early attempts. Please feel free to add more to the comments.

Fact #1: Miguel Tejada once led off an inning by grounding into a double play.

Fact #2: Miguel Tejada has actually grounded into a quadruple play. The Orioles had to start their next turn at bat with one out.

Fact #3: Miguel Tejada's allegedly tainted vitamin B12 shots are just a placebo. While researchers have noted a placebo effect, that effect is a positive steroids test.

Fact #4: Coaches measure Miguel Tejada's speed from home to first base using a sundial. Unless it's a routine pop-up. Then they use orbits of Haley's Comet.

Fact #5: The only time Miguel Tejada hits Eutaw Street is when he's getting a sandwich at Boog's.

Fact #6: In 2007, Miguel Tejada was within 1,500 games of Cal Ripken's consecutive games played streak. After having his streak snapped just 1,480 games shy of the record, Tejada has set out to beat Cal's other incredible record: 350 GIDPs. That's not even remotely funny, just depressingly accurate.

Terrible, right? I'll try harder next time.
 

Pre-playoff GTalk conversation...

Abram Fox: word is that Ovechkin and Backstrom are hurt, Ovechkin is definitely in on Thursday and Backstrom is questionable
so, that is bad

me: I will quote Aqua Teen Hunger Force
from the epic "Foreigner Belt" episode

Abram: haha
love that episode

me:
"WHO SET THIS TO 'HEAD GAMES'!??!?!"

WaPo piece on Langway's daughter doesn't sit right

My brother sent me an e-mail today with a link to Mark Giannotto's Washington Post article on Rod Langway's estranged daughter. I skimmed it when it came out last week, but once my brother asked for my opinion I decided to read the whole thing.

In the interest of full disclosure, I've been a Capitals fan since the Langway days. But I'm also a journalism professor so I would hope my fan status isn't completely shading my views here.

My issue with the article isn't really that it paints Rod Langway in a bad light, it's that there's no real story there to begin with. Well, maybe there is, but Giannotto doesn't find it. The "how" and "why" of the story are afterthoughts so it ends up just being venting space for a 16-year-old girl.

This, to me, was the whole story:

Langway and his wife, Teresa, say they have tried numerous times to bridge the gap between Hannah and her father, but that Sasscer refused to let Teresa be around Hannah, a stipulation Langway would not agree to.

"It hurt Rod and I couldn't even show him how much it hurt me," Teresa Langway said. "It's just a tragedy for Hannah. Everybody would have welcomed Hannah. We all would have loved her. We waited for years and years."

The Sasscers dispute this assertion. Sasscer said she is willing to allow Teresa to meet Hannah without her being present.

And? Expand on that. Is there some bitter tension there? Does Sasscer say "That's ridiculous I've invited Rod and Teresa to dinner numerous times?" What was Sasscer's reaction to Teresa Langway's "we all would have loved her" statement? We'll never know.

Those three short paragraphs are the entire "why" and "how," and they were buried on page three of a five page piece.

I'd be fine with the article if its focus was the conflict between Langway and mother Sasscer, even though it'd be a bit smutty. I'd also be fine if it was a personal profile of the girl or a story of her perseverance despite her family situation, but they glossed over both of those things, too. So really, what's the article about? Langway has an estranged daughter and she hates him. That's it. Is that really deserving of being in The Washington Post?
 

When you think of it that way...

I was reading this Bill Simmons column on the "purest" era of baseball, and while his thoughts were arbitrary, somewhat conflicting and based on little of anything that would make sense to any real baseball fan, it got me thinking.

Maybe the whole idea of purity in baseball is moot. Maybe we don't want purity in baseball.

Part of what makes baseball so great is the ridiculousness of the players. Darryl Strawberry and Doc Gooden almost ruining their careers with over-the-top partying, Graig Nettles "juicing" his bat with 6 superballs, Jason Grimsley crawling through an air vent to the umpires locker to swap out Albert Belle's confiscated corked bat. That kind of stuff is awesome.

It's like a bad episode of Salute Your Shorts over and over again. Except with everyone making millions of dollars and occasionally taking a break from off-the-wall camper antics to play a baseball game.

(See more crazy ways to cheat here.)

You can't tell me that every time a bat splits down the middle like it was struck by lightning that you don't honestly hope to see cork inside it.

And given the history of cheating that's surrounded the national pastime, maybe we shouldn't be in such shock and awe that the most recent generation of players has pumped themselves full of more steroids than farm cattle. Is that really any worse than swinging by the Dollar Tree, stocking up on rubber bouncy balls and stuffing them in your Louisville Slugger? It's certainly not as FUNNY, but when that's the precedent maybe it's only natural that the players have veered closer and closer to a look that's straight out of WWE. After all, weren't the rainbow metallic Ric Flair and Hulkamaniac stickers in the 25-cent vending machine right next to the Super Balls?