The Boston Herald ran an article yesterday about something so horrible, so awful, so ... INSENSITIVE that it just had to get a few inches in print.
Get this: A 10-year-old autograph-hound went to Fenway Park on Friday night decked out in bright red BoSox gear and obtained the signature of Yankee rookie Shelley Duncan. Hurray, the kid thought! I got an autograph from a real major league ballplayer! But then he read the signature... "RED SOX SUCK! Shelley Duncan." Depression set in. The child immediately cried to his mother. How could a supposed role-model do such a thing to a poor child who came to the ballpark carrying with him only a $100 ticket, a pen, and a dream!?
"It didn’t make me feel happy when he wrote that," the budding Masshole said.
"This is someone who wears the Yankee uniform and is on the payroll and should be setting an example for 10-year-olds," his mother sniveled.
The world felt this family's pain and outrage.
And then reality set in.
So a kid decked out in Red Sox gear asks for an autograph from a Yankee and gets told that the Red Sox suck. I'm pretty sure that's said about 40,000 times at any Red Sox vs. Yankees game. So what do he and his mom do? Take a cue from Navy and cry to the media.
When this kid is old enough to appreciate it -- and I'd wager it'll take all of a seven day auction on ebay -- he will understand what a true collectible Mr. Duncan bestowed upon him. Remember when Chris Simms signed a fan's University of Texas helmet with, "OU SUCKS! Chris Simms"? That thing sold on ebay for thousands of dollars. So count your blessings, you little brat.
And I've got news for you, kid: The Red Sox suck. Signed, C. Stone.