So for some reason, I thought it would be funny to do a "Miguel Tejada" facts that is like the incomparable Matt Wieters Facts, but instead of great feats of baseball prowess and inhuman strength, they would be amazing ways to screw over a team.
A quick disclaimer: I don't have anything against Miggi and I certainly don't blame him for the 2-11 start to the season, I just think this is an opportunity to be somewhat funny. (Or at least I try.)
So here are some early attempts. Please feel free to add more to the comments.
Fact #1: Miguel Tejada once led off an inning by grounding into a double play.
Fact #2: Miguel Tejada has actually grounded into a quadruple play. The Orioles had to start their next turn at bat with one out.
Fact #3: Miguel Tejada's allegedly tainted vitamin B12 shots are just a placebo. While researchers have noted a placebo effect, that effect is a positive steroids test.
Fact #4: Coaches measure Miguel Tejada's speed from home to first base using a sundial. Unless it's a routine pop-up. Then they use orbits of Haley's Comet.
Fact #5: The only time Miguel Tejada hits Eutaw Street is when he's getting a sandwich at Boog's.
Fact #6: In 2007, Miguel Tejada was within 1,500 games of Cal Ripken's consecutive games played streak. After having his streak snapped just 1,480 games shy of the record, Tejada has set out to beat Cal's other incredible record: 350 GIDPs. That's not even remotely funny, just depressingly accurate.
Terrible, right? I'll try harder next time.