Sunday, November 05, 2006's Bill Simmons: Insufferable

Bill Simmons,'s "The Sports Guy," used to be funny. Used to be.

But recently -- really ever since the Red Sox won the World Series -- he's just been insufferable.

It seems his sole purpose on this planet is to advance his ideals of how every New England sports hero trumps all others, while still lamenting how one can face no greater ordeal than cheering for professional sports teams from Boston.

At the same time, he mentions the Yankees in EVERY article, so much so that it makes the rest of us Yankee-haters look bad. Don't you think if Ahab had killed Moby Dick he'd be talking more about his triumph than about how much he still detests the whale? You can't have it both ways, Bill.

That, friends, is why Red Sox fans have become worse than Yankees fans. And it's not even close anymore.

In this decade alone, his teams have won three Super Bowls and a World Series, and he still whines more than all the democrats in his stupid state did after W. beat John Kerry (for the record, I'm a lousy bleeding heart myself).

This blog covers 6 major sports teams from two cities, and his three teams (he stopped following the Bruins in the '90s, according to his latest column) are leading our six in league titles this decade, 4-1.

His most recent whinefest/New England sports propaganda piece, I Really Hate the Colts, continues down this path.

Looking past the overall tone of bitterness, one thing that he says is, "Getting constantly bombarded by those insufferable Manning commercials makes me want to throw my remote against the wall."

Look, Bill. You're lying. I know you're lying. You laughed at the "CUT THAT MEAT!" commercial and chuckled to yourself when a faux-mustachioed Peyton referred to his "laser, rocket arm." How can I be so sure?

Because I'm a Baltimore football fan, and even I laughed at those commercials.

You want Colts hate? Come down here where it really means something.

So for now why don't you stay up there with your stupid rivalry with the Jets (come on ... this one is like Hulk Hogan in his steroid prime vs. Estelle Getty in her Golden Girls get-up ... The Jets? Really?), sit back and enjoy your championships rather than looking for new things to bitch about.

But then again, asking a Boston sports fan to kick himself out of his Sam Adams-enhanced, sports-related depression is like reasoning with a 2-year-old ... pointless.

1 comment:

homertuck said...

Oh man C-Stone...I thought I was the only one who noticed that. And I thought I was the only one who could go on awesome rants like that. Well done my friend. Well done.