New in the shop: Updated hat trick hats!

Just in time for the '07-'08 Washington Capitals season, I've updated the Beltway Sports Shop's highest-selling item (registering a whopping three sales last season), the Hat Trick Hat!


(And don't worry, that ugly "BeltwaySportsBeat.com" tag isn't on the actual hat.)

That's right, now it's got it all! Not only does it have the new colors and kinda-similar-like number styles, it also includes a whole new player! Because I'm sure I wasn't the only person standing there during Alexander Semin's home-opener hat trick wondering, "Is it not right to throw an A.O. Hat Trick hat for a hat trick scored by someone other than A.O.?"

Problem solved.

The new version has #8 AND #28, and instead of being an "A.O. Hat Trick Hat," is now an "Alexanders" hat trick hat. Smart!

A bargain for just $14.99! Buy yours today! Exclamation points!!!!!!!
 

Little kid learns what it truly means to be a Red Sox fan ...

WHINING.

The Boston Herald ran an article yesterday about something so horrible, so awful, so ... INSENSITIVE that it just had to get a few inches in print.

Get this: A 10-year-old autograph-hound went to Fenway Park on Friday night decked out in bright red BoSox gear and obtained the signature of Yankee rookie Shelley Duncan. Hurray, the kid thought! I got an autograph from a real major league ballplayer! But then he read the signature... "RED SOX SUCK! Shelley Duncan." Depression set in. The child immediately cried to his mother. How could a supposed role-model do such a thing to a poor child who came to the ballpark carrying with him only a $100 ticket, a pen, and a dream!?

"It didn’t make me feel happy when he wrote that," the budding Masshole said.

"This is someone who wears the Yankee uniform and is on the payroll and should be setting an example for 10-year-olds," his mother sniveled.

The world felt this family's pain and outrage.

And then reality set in.

So a kid decked out in Red Sox gear asks for an autograph from a Yankee and gets told that the Red Sox suck. I'm pretty sure that's said about 40,000 times at any Red Sox vs. Yankees game. So what do he and his mom do? Take a cue from Navy and cry to the media.

When this kid is old enough to appreciate it -- and I'd wager it'll take all of a seven day auction on ebay -- he will understand what a true collectible Mr. Duncan bestowed upon him. Remember when Chris Simms signed a fan's University of Texas helmet with, "OU SUCKS! Chris Simms"? That thing sold on ebay for thousands of dollars. So count your blessings, you little brat.

And I've got news for you, kid: The Red Sox suck. Signed, C. Stone.
 

Navy cries about "classless" Rutgers fans. Boo f---ing hoo.

Sorry, do I need to issue an apology for that headline?

If you haven't heard yet, while Rutgers was drubbing Navy last Friday night, Scarlet Knights fans showered Navy players with boos and taunts, and yes, the occasional F word. *Gasp!*

Now Navy personnel and the national media are calling Rutgers fans classless, and Rutgers has issued a formal apology.

"It was the most classless thing I've ever seen," cried Navy academic recruiter Bill Squires in a Star-Ledger article by Mark Di Ionno.

Excuse me if I don't share the outrage. I did go to Maryland after all.

Yes, the Midshipmen are "true student athletes" and aren't fighting for NFL dollars, but they're playing college ball in Division 1. And if the ads I hear on the radio 10 times a day are correct, they've made four straight bowl appearances, so clearly they are able to be competitive despite the picture Di Ionno attempts to paint of grown men picking on kids.

(On Navy's Reggie Campbell, Di Ionno wrote, "This gutsy kid, a slotback who already spent three quarters being chased and tackled by gangs of defensive linemen and linebackers, all weighing at least 100 pounds more than him ..." Give. Me. A. Break. I'm sure Campbell loves being described as an underweight puss who has no business on a field with the REAL football players, too, Mark. Because that's sure how it sounds the way it's written.)

My question is, where has Navy been traveling all these years that they haven't heard similar crap a million times before this? I'm all for a little respect for the Mids, but do opposing fans -- especially college students -- really shut it down just because the visiting section is dressed in white uniforms and funny hats?

Clearly they don't make the trip to Morgantown, West Virginia, very often.

This is college sports, where college-aged kids play against other college-aged kids in front of a slew of drunken college-aged kids who get seats 20 feet from the field. Some profanities are going to fly. (And if this were Morgantown some D batteries would fly, too.)

I'm not saying I'm all for yelling F this and F that at sporting events -- despite what this post and my last post might lead you to believe. I'm just saying I don't get the outrage. Especially not over this particular "incident."

I guess you can't be too surprised about Navy's reaction. Is there a more thin-skinned athletic program? You'd think a bunch of guys that spend all day getting yelled at while doing push ups and calling people "sir" would be able to take some lip.

But this is the same school that put a rivalry with Maryland on hold for FORTY years because a Terp linebacker gave the Navy student section the finger. (Nevermind that the Terp, Jerry Fishman, was retaliating to anti-Semitic remarks from the Mids. Although maybe that was seen as acceptable in 1965.)

This is also the school that may AGAIN put that rivalry on hold because they'd rather cry about how Maryland "spurned" them by turning down an invite to play Navy in the Meineke Car Care Bowl in Charlotte, N.C., to instead go to the Champs Sports Bowl ... a higher ranked bowl game ... against a Big Ten team ... in Orlando ... in December.

Get over it, Navy. The bitching is getting old.

So a bunch of 18-22 year olds had to hear the F word aimed in their general direction. I think they'll live. I'd even venture to guess that a few of them had heard the word before, had it said to them before, and *shudder* even USED it before. Get right out of town!

Someone pass me some D batteries.
 

Why do Camden Yards ushers treat opposing fans better than O's fans?

I know I've heard similar complaints before so this is probably beating a dead horse, but I need to vent.

Five of my friends and I have a 13 game plan in section 85 at Camden Yards, and that plan included last night's Orioles vs. Red Sox game.

So we were surrounded by BoSox fans (not surprising) and decided pretty early on that we needed to be vocal. So we were booing when the Red Sox fans cheered and all that crap ... nothing offensive. We took some good-natured ribbing from a few Sox fans around us, but by the 9th inning we were running out of steam and not really saying much.

So when Jason Varitek singled in the go-ahead run the stadium went wild and a friend of mine yelled something innocuous like "Go back to Boston" or "Sit down." And a few alleged Sox fans in the section in front of us turned around to rub it in a little. Again, not too surprising given the general "we run this joint" attitude that visiting Red Sox fans always seem to bring.

The one dude who really wanted to get some shots in is decked out in red and blue -- but not for the Red Sox. For the Phillies. This clown was wearing a Phillies jersey and Phillies hat and for some reason was there rooting on the Red Sox like he grew up trolling Yawkey Way. He yelled something to the effect of "What now!?" at us, so my friends and I can't resist.

"YOU'RE WEARING @#$%*ING PHILLIES GEAR AND YOU'RE TALKING TRASH!? THEY'RE THE LOSINGEST FRANCHISE IN THE HISTORY OF SPORTS! YOU'VE LOST 10,000 GAMES! THAT'S OVER 60 SEASONS WORTH OF LOSSES!" etc. etc.

It really is amazing how much sports trivia you can randomly access from the recesses of your brain when you're pissed off.

Profanities were exchanged but honestly I doubt too many people heard us over the Sox fans' jubilation.

The stupid trash talk was dying down when the usher for our section came to us -- not the Sox/Phillies fans -- and said to sit down and keep our mouths shut, and if she heard anything else she was going to kick us out. Not a word to the Sox fans. So we told her to go give them the same warning, and she said, "They're not the problem. It's you" (paraphrasing).

Of course the Sox fans had a field day with this.

I'm fine that she told us to shut up, but don't act like it's a one-sided affair. Especially when they were at our yard looking for an argument.

Were we being obnoxious? Sure. But it wasn't any worse from our end than theirs, and for some reason the usher acted like we were a bunch of grown men punching babies, going so far as to sit next to the PhilSox fans and assure them the "situation" had been taken care of. She even hung out for the remainder of the game and shared a few laughs.

This isn't the first time I've heard of OUR ushers bending over backwards to please the visiting team's fans in spite of Orioles fans. Why in the world would ushers treat opposing fans, who come to one or two games a year when their team is in town, better than partial plan holders?